Back at it again

This morning I started working out again. Over the summer I have had a foot problem (stupid plantar fascitis) and have had to take it easy. It is still hurting but I have decided that I am just going to have to get over it and work through the pain.

We are going to Disney World in March and I am determined to be in at least a little better shape so that I can really enjoy my 4 days of 15 hour days at the parks =) We haven't told the kids we are going yet so keep that a secret =)

Jax has had a runny nose so I couldn't take him to the Y nursery this morning so I just did Zumba on the Wii...of course for the last five minutes I was holding a 22 pound baby while trying to Zumba with one arm so that was interesting =)

Today is Sawyer's 3rd birthday!!!! I am getting healthy for me but the added benefit is that I will be able to do so much more with my children. Bella is not the most active child. She likes to play outside but most of the time is happy to sit on the couch and watch TV (which of course I limited but I'm just saying does not have to be active to be happy) Now I have two very active boys growing up so I need to be healthy enough to keep up with them. So once again I am trying to be healthier...I am not going to beat myself up if I stumble I will just try again the next day.

This blog is so that I can just vent my feelings. I am going to be blogging a little more about my life, my walk with God, and some thing I have went through in the past. I am trying to not be on Facebook as much but I find that I enjoy writing about my life so I figured this would be a way for me to do that without being on Facebook. I don't care if anyone reads this...it just makes me feel better to type it all out =)

Finally on Track!!

I finally feel like I am getting on track. I have been having problems with my blog so I didn't update this last week but as of last Thursday I had lost 9 pounds since starting to really watch everything 2 weeks ago! I am exercising 4-5 times a week and trying to eat better.

I have discovered I love Zumba! I went to class twice last week and hope to get to go a few times this week too. I also got Zumba for Wii which is not as fun but works when I can't get to the Y for class. I do the Biggest Loser game about 3 times a week and I weigh in using that game every Thursday. They actually have a weigh in just like the show and you vote people off the game! Hopefully I won't get voted off my own game =)

It is going to be harder for me to get my work outs in because the kids are going to want to go to the pool everyday so I am going to try to start getting up before they wake up to work out then. We will see how that goes....I really like to sleep! I will update tomorrow my progress or failure. I have a feeling I won't do as well this week since I lost 9 lbs over the last 2 weeks.

Doing so Much Better!

So excited! I feel as if I am actually doing better getting my eating and exercise under control. I got the Biggest Loser game for Wii or "Loser Game" as Sawyer calls it. It is a lot of fun! That way if the kids are sick and I can't go to the Y and work out I can work out at home. It's not the same routine everyday like it would be if I just did a work out DVD. I think I am also going to get the Zumba game too just to have variety. Also the kids love to exercise with me which is just an added bonus.

Over the weekend I have been really careful about my eating and tomorrow I am going to start tracking my eating with Weight Watchers again. As Seth ate his oreos tonight while we watched TV, I drank a flavored water and ate some sugar free Jello to satisfy my need for food. Everytime I thought about those chips in the pantry I pictured myself in the pretty dress I want to wear when I I renew my vows next July (and yes I do already have it picked out!) The dress I want actually comes in my current size but of course I will look much better in any dress if I am down 5 sizes =)

Frustrated

I am so very frustrated. I really want to be able to start working out; but my children are ALWAYS sick. We have literally had about a 2 week span in the last 6 months (since Jax was born) where all 3 kids were well at one time. I know that I could do videos at home (which is probably what I am going to have to do) but I would much rather take zumba or go watch TV and run on the elliptical (sp?) at the Y. I have felt like my kids were well enough to go maybe 5 times in the past few months and I have went all of those 5 times. I am not an overprotective parent by any means but I do not want to take my sick children to the nursery at the Y and expose other children to their germs (you can thank me later!)

Anyways, I have a Thyroid problem and I can tell my levels are off because my hair is falling out like crazy and it is almost impossible for me to lose weight unless I work out. I am trying to do much better on the eating side (drinking water, following my weight watcher points, etc.) but I am not losing an ounce. I will admit to eating pizza and nachos once a week when I take the kids to the bouncy place at the mall but not enough to gain back any weight I have lost that week. Ok that is my vent for the day. Maybe by Thursday on my weigh in day I will have some good news!!

Uh-Oh

Ok I have not been keeping up with this and for the most part it is because EVERYONE in my house has been sick and I have simply not had time. Another reason is because I have not been eating right or exercising like I should - just being honest. On Friday, I did try a Zumba class at the Y. It was A LOT of fun. Who knew working out could be that much fun. My only problem with the class is that I can only go on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I really don't want to go 3 days in a row so I will probalby just pick one day and go back to the elpitical on the other days. One thing I did over the weekend was buy a water filter system. It acutally filters water for 4 water bottles and once I have drank those I have drank all the water I need to for the day. I like that system because it helps me keep up with my water intake. I also ate breakfast this morning. Go me! But I went to an Easter Egg hunt with my kids this morning and ate like a crazy person. I tried really hard but I kept coming back to the food table and snacking. If I can limit this to when we have parties and special outings it will be ok. Oh well maybe one day I will get with the program. New mini goal. I want to lose 20 lbs by the first of August. I am going to San Fransico with my husband (WITHOUT KIDS!!!) so I would like to at least fit into some of my summer dresses I wore before I had Bella. I really do not want to have to go buy a whole new wardrobe and at this point I will have to because all my maternity clothes of course do not fit and truthfully that is what I have worn the last 3 summers - even the summer I wasn't pregnant! I refused to do that again so I got rid of all of them except for some shirts that are big on me but don't look like they are maternity. So until I lose some weight you are going to be seeing me in the same 2 outfits over and over again!

Yuck Yuck Yuck!!

I have eaten anything I can get my hands on the last few days. It makes me so mad with myself! Sawyer has been having screaming fits at night and has at least 10 fits a day (most of the time I can't even figure out what what is wrong). It totally stresses me out and I just sit and try to figure out what I can eat. Yes it makes me happy while I am eating but then I am just angry with myself afterwards. I must find something to turn to besides food. Plus I have been forgetting to take my Thyroid medicine which is a big no no (don't tell my pharmacist husband!) so I think my throid levels are getting out of wack which makes me gain weight just by breathing. Oh well tomorrow is another day and another week and I will try to do better even if Sawyer screams all week long!

6 A.M.

Just so every knows there are actually people who get up at 6:00 in the morning and work out! Who knew! I know that my crazy husband goes and runs at 5 or 6 AM but for some reason I had it in my head that he was just crazy and was the only one who did this. Love you babe! =)

I have decided this week that I will work out 3 times even if I am not eating like I should (I am trying to eat well though). The only time I could go workout yesterday was before Seth left for work so that meant going REALLY early! The Y was packed. I really enjoyed going that early though because then I was done with my workout and ready for my day before my kids were even up. I can't do that everyday though because some days Seth leaves the house before 6 so it just won't work. I will try to do that at least once a week though because it was a really wonderful feeling!

On another note I went on my first big shopping trip with all three kids to Hamilton Place. My sister was with us but she usually just makes the kids act worse (sorry Aunt Penny - you know it is true because they think they can get away with more when you are there!) It went really well though. All 3 children survived and I didn't not cry at any point during the outing. We even made it through lunch at Red Lobster (where by the way I only ate half my plate of lunch and asked for a box for the rest of it and I drank water -go me!)

Tired

My kids have been sick for over a week. Sawyer is finally not contagious so he was able to go back to school today but boy oh boy does he have a case of the whinies (is that even a word?)! I am so stinkin tired just from him pitching fits constantly. Why would that make a person tired you ask? It is utterly exhausting to watch a two year old fling himself on the floor and kick and scream and know you can't do anything to make him happy. It breaks my heart in two. The child will not even take a bath without screaming the whole time and he usually LOVES baths. I know that he still doesn't feel good but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

So when I get tired and upset over Sawyer acting like this what do I do? I will give you three guesses but I but you can figure it out in one. I EAT!!!! I have gotten smart though. I simply do not buy stuff that I like to eat. I did have a breakdown on Sunday night though and Seth went and bought me some Crunch and Munch. I know that I won't have lost weight this week but that is OK. Like I said this blog is to document my failures as well as my successes.

Before this year my mindset was this. I would start eating better on a Monday (only Monday never Sunday or Thursday...). If I mess up at ANY time during the week - that means if I eat a whole pizza Monday at lunch- I would continue to eat bad the whole week and start again on the next Monday. Such crazy thinking! Now I have finally decided I will do the best I can at all times. If I eat a whole pizza for lunch today, I will just move on and try to do better the rest of the day and the rest of the week. Hopefully this new mindset will stick and I can reach my goals of being a happier and healthier person for myself and my family!

Breakfast - oh how I dislike you!

Breakfast is supposed to be the most important meal of the day. I understand that but when you are a mother of 3 kids ages 5 and under getting breakfast into mommy is a little hard sometimes. I make sure that my kids always eat breakfast but I don't usually find the time to eat myself.

All my kids wake up at the same time, we go downstairs and I put Jax in his swing (by this point he is screaming!) I try to get the older kids to tell me what they want while I make Jax's bottle and once I get them settled I feed Jaxon. By the time Jax is done eating the older kids are done so we move on with our day and I just don't stop and take the time to eat.

This morning I made myself eat and I discovered I can eat a granola bar and drink a cup of milk standing up with a sick 2 year old on my hip while bouncing Jax in his bouncy seat and Bella dancing around asking 100 questions about our day.

I also really don't like breakfast foods so I hate "wasting" my Weight Watcher points on this meal. I know that it is supposed to boast your metabolism though so that is going to by my goal for the rest of this week - to eat breakfast every morning! Lots of goals....I think I can....I think I can....(can you tell I have a little boy obsessed with trains? we talk trains all day long!)

Already I know my goal for the next week will be to exercise at least 3 times. I can't even attempt it this week with one child on day 4 of the flu and still not better and the baby has a ear infection and is super fussy so I will put that one off till next week.

My dirty little secret

I have struggled with my weight my whole life. That is no secret to anyone who has known me. I have not been at a healthy weight since I was about 8 years old. I have been on "diet" after "diet" and the most weight I have ever lost was around 25 pounds during my junior year of high school and I put that back on plus 25 more. Since having Bella 5 1/2 years ago I have done a lot better not putting on more weight. I actually lost weight when I was pregnant with both Sawyer and Jaxon - I am proud of that one fact!

Yesterday, I was at gymnastics with Bella and one of the other little girls asked Bella where her mommy was. She pointed to me and smiled and waved like she was so happy that I am her mom. I decided then and there that I want to be someone that she can be proud of. I know that my weight does not totally define me but if I am not happy or proud of myself how can I expect Bella to be proud of me?

That is my dirty little secret - I really dislike myself. On the outside I have a very good life. I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful little girl, a crazy funny little boy, and a awesome baby boy. I go to church, have friends, but I do not like myself. I can not be the person I want to be while I am overweight. I want to get healthy for my family but most importantly I want to get healthy for me. So that I can be someone that my children can be proud of!

I am not writing this blog to have people tell me that I am a great person and to not worry about my weight. I am writing so that maybe I can help someone else who feels they are falling short because of their weight. I am writing so that I can document my success and my failures. I know I will have a lot of both. I will probably write about funny things my kids do that make me happy and I will try to keep everyone updated on my journey. If no one reads that is fine. It makes me feel better just to write.

Here are my goals.

(1) I will write on this blog at least once a week and talk about how my journey is going.

(2) I want to lose 80 pounds by the time my 10 year wedding anniversary comes (July 2012). That is a lot of weight but I have about 70 weeks until then so that is only a little over a pound a week. I think I can....I think I can.....I think I can....